Singing songs all wrong

Published 6:25 am Wednesday, January 16, 2002

By Staff
Lyricosis: a terrible disease that affects millions every year.
And yes, I am the latest victim.
One can go years without ever knowing they posses the evil disease. It's origin is unknown; some think it genetic, others speculate it is a virus.
Personally, I think it's from listening to slurred country music and overly, for lack of better words, screaming rock stars.
Which is why I was shocked to find out I was a victim.
Let me explain Lyricosis in it's medical sense.
There are several forms of this disease. The first type, which is probably the least severe, comes when one forgets a word in a song and utters a word that sort of sounds right. This form can get progressively worse, to the point at which the patient will utter a sound which is not even a word.
Secondly, there is the mild Lyricosis. This form is largely related to fast paced pop, rock and rap songs: when the patient remembers the chorus and the first verse to a song, but attempts to make up the rest as they go along. This is less common in the world of country music, where lots of rhyming words are constant (e.g. love and dove, red and said, tonight and fight, etc.).
The worst form is one I've nicknamed the impressionist strand. It is easier explained in scenario form:
Scenario: Patient 1, 23 years old, engaged to a 22 year old. Patient 1 goes to meet parents of fianc who are 55 and 56. Parents are of upper-middle class, fond of big band and standards music. Patient 1, rather than admit he's never heard a Frank Sinatra song in his life, pretends to know the words to the song. He fails utterly, and gurgles out sounds rather than words. However, because he does it quietly and because his lips are moving, he gives the impression that he knows the words to the songs.
Well that's a brief rundown of this terrible disease.
So let me tell you how I finally found out about my problem
A few days ago I was driving along with a good friend of mine when my favorite band came on the radio with a brand new song.
Of course, so I didn't lose face with my buddy, who is also a professed fan, I began to pretend I knew the song.
I wailed and moaned sounds that resembled words, but all in all, it was almost as bad as a hound dog I used to have attempting to sign.
My friend was impressed that I knew the song (even though I didn't), and I again became the number one fan.
After the experience was all over, I sat back and started thinking: instead of sitting back and enjoying a song I have never heard, I literally ruined the experience by covering it up with goobly-gook baby chatter.
And boy did I feel stupid.
I think it's a problem a lot of us suffer Not just Lyricosis, but in general attempting to burst out and say (or sing) something when he have no idea what we're saying (or singing).
Yeah, you know it had to happen A humorous anecdote that turns into a social problem or humanistic insight. Sorry I just had to say it.
Sometimes, ya know, there's a lot of truth in what my grandmother used to say: "The more you keep quiet, the smarter you look."

Sign up for our daily email newsletter

Get the latest news sent to your inbox