And I thought I was no good with money
Arthur McLean Publisher
I am about to tell you exactly why neither I, nor anyone in my family will ever win any lottery jackpot anywhere.
Simply put, it's because we know exactly how we would handle the money. And that plan has absolutely nothing to do with keeping half a million in cash in my car.
But, that's apparently just what Jack Whittaker likes to do with his lottery winnings. That, and he likes to make himself a target for thieves, getting robbed twice in a week, according to Associated Press reports.
For those who don't obsess over the lives of the incredibly lucky, Whittaker won the largest jackpot in Powerball history, a princely sum of $314.9 million on Christmas of 2002.
Since that time, Whittaker has had, shall we say, a "colorful" existence.
Someone broke into his office and took about $2,000 and later the same week, someone broke into one of his cars, but there are not details on what was taken.
Maybe Whittaker has learned his lesson from the last two times someone broke into his car. According to the AP, in January, about $100,000 was taken from his car, and again, in August, while Whittaker was at a strip club, a briefcase stuffed with $500,000 was stolen from his car.
Since the briefcase was in his car, one can only assume the money wasn't for tips.
I don't know about you, but to me, the math seems pretty simple: extremely large sum of money plus your average car equals disaster waiting to happen.
Somebody, please build this man a vault on wheels.
Maybe he just got tired of stuffing money in his mattress. How much money can you stash in a mattress anyway? You can bring cash of any denomination to the Atmore Advance and I'll undertake this experiment, in the name of science, of course. Of course, all donations for this experiment will be given to a good cause – my well being.
Don't get me wrong, I can see wanting to tote some serious cash around at first, just for the novelty of it. But I don't see the novelty of carrying half a million around for fun. Who needs that kind of stress?
So, you see, I would never be tempted to do something so foolish. Share with immediate family, of course, blow a little in Vegas, why not. Carry half a million around in the Ford Ranger? Ain't no way buddy.
Maybe it's true what they say, lotteries are a tax on those who are bad at math – and good sense.
Arthur McLean is the editor of the Atmore Advance. He can be reached by calling 368-2123, or by email: firstname.lastname@example.org